Life is an unpredictable journey filled with challenges that often test the very core of our existence. These tumultuous times are not necessarily a challenge to our faith in a higher power, but rather a test of our faith in ourselves. In the face of doubt, adversity, and uncertainty, we find ourselves navigating through the stormy seas of life, seeking a source of light that can guide us through the darkness. This five-part blog series is a deeper exploration of finding faith within ourselves during troubled times. It's a journey of self-discovery, discovering inner resilience and self-trust. In this first installment, we will embark on a quest to understand the importance of self-compassion and how it becomes our lifeline during difficult times.

Cultivating Self-Compassion

One of the most precious gifts we can offer ourselves is cultivating self-compassion. It's a lifeline that not only serves us during the best of times, but also allows us to thrive in the face of adversity. By extending kindness and understanding to ourselves, we create fertile ground for faith to take root and for our resilience to flourish. But there are times when that inner voice is not-so-loving, and our self-compassion feels as insubstantial as morning mist on a lake. One tiny breeze can sway us off balance. 

We are, as humans, imperfect beings. No amount of work or practice, or even self-loathing can change that. There’s an oft-used phrase in tapping that says “I can’t criticize myself into finding a solution.” Negative self-talk moves us further from our goals. It suppresses creative thought, makes us doubt ourselves and our capacity, and causes us to flinch away from taking actions that might improve our overall wellbeing. Today, I’d like to explore some practical ways to practice more kindness to ourselves, and begin cultivating self-compassion.

Mindful Self-Awareness

Self-awareness is an important first step toward self-compassion. The two go hand in hand. We must recognize what we are facing, what we are judging, and what we are blaming ourselves for, before we can begin to heal the breach. Mindfulness is one of the simplest forms of self-awareness. Mindful exercises general start by focusing on the breath. The breath is neutral ground -We seldom judge our breathing, so it provides a safe place to start with our focus. Then we can progress to focused awareness of the body, and then to the more complicated terrain of our thoughts and emotions. This gradual progression eases us into self-awareness of our whole person. Here’s a quick exercise to try: For a couple moments, sit down in a comfortable position, take a deep breath, and close your eyes. Allow distractions to melt away, and just focus on the steady in and out of your breath. Forget the “to-do” list – it will still be there in 5 minutes and it can wait that long. Now, turn your focus inward. Start by simply noticing the sensations you feel by doing a quick body scan. Focus on each part of your body, starting with your right toes and ending with your face and head. Along the way, acknowledge what you feel physically - air across your skin, the weight of elbows touching a desk, or maybe even nothing at all.  Now move deeper, allowing your feelings and experiences to slowly return without judgment. Allow yourself to recognize your challenges, again, without judgment, knowing that you are not alone in your struggles.

Practice Self-Kindness

When a dear friend comes to us with hat in hand saying they made a mistake, you talk it through, remind them that we all make mistakes, and you help them to forgive themselves for their misstep. Why, then, are we so much harder and less kind to ourselves in the same circumstance? Begin to treat yourself with the same kindness and care you would offer to that dear friend. In fact, perhaps begin to think of yourself as a dear friend, someone you truly love and care about. Not because you are perfect, but because you are unique and worthy. You are not defective – you are human, and imperfect. And it is so often those missteps that we learn and grow from the most. When faced with self-criticism or negative self-talk, try consciously replacing it with words of self-compassion. Instead of saying, "Wow, I really messed that up," try saying, "I made a mistake. I am not perfect, and it’s okay that I'm human. I can learn from this." Affirmations can also be a great way to promote self-compassion. Phrases like "I am worthy of love and understanding" or "I treat myself with kindness" can be transformative when repeated regularly and internalized. We engage far too often in self-harm, with our negative self-talk and beating ourselves up over the past. Why not begin to replace even a part of that inner monologue with kind words and loving support.

Offer Self-Comfort

As toddlers, we learn not to play with hot things by getting burned, not to play with sharp things by getting a scratch. We remember that lesson throughout our lives, and it serves us. But we don’t usually hold onto shame for having tried. Instead we see this as a learning experience, necessary for our development and growth. And then we nurture the injury. That scratch on our hand or burn on our finger, gets cradled close to our body and physically protected. It’s a beautiful innate instinct, and one we can carry into adulthood. When it’s our heart that’s injured, we can place our hand on our heart. When we feel upset or distraught, we can cradle ourselves in a gentle hug. These physical acts can trigger feelings of comfort and safety, reminding us to be nurturing and compassionate with ourselves. Comfort may also come from prioritizing self-care activities that nourish your mind, body, and soul. This can include practices like yoga, meditation, spending time in nature, or engaging in hobbies that bring you joy. By allowing ourselves to engage in comforting activities, rather than destructive ones, and rather than wallowing in our negative self-talk, we can soothe the injury and allow the healing to begin.

Seek Support

Remember that dear friend we consoled? Why not let them return the favor. Reaching out to friends and family can increase your bond and foster a sense of connection. Sharing our struggles with others can also help us validate our experiences. Even though it doesn’t change the mechanics of what we’re going through, hearing that we aren’t alone in this lesson can absolutely shift our perception, and clear a path to see new options and solutions. And when circumstances, or our thoughts, are so overwhelming we need additional support, finding a therapist who can provide a compassionate ear and offer guidance is an invaluable next step.

Discovering Inner Resilience

One of the first steps toward cultivating self-compassion is by forgiving ourselves for past mistakes. Releasing lingering guilt, shame, anger at ourselves can seem very difficult, and we may not feel as though we are allowed to let ourselves off the hook. Consider though, that forgiving is not the same as forgetting, and learning what behaviors we never want to repeat is part of our humanity. Forgiveness, both from others and ourselves, is a profound act of self-compassion. Also know that, cultivating self-compassion is a journey that unfolds over time. We’ve spent years learning to criticize and belittle ourselves, it will also take time and practice to replace those behaviors with loving kindness, but it is a journey worth embarking upon. By nurturing this inner well of resilience, we not only strengthen our ability to weather the obstacles life throws in our path, but also foster a deeper sense of faith in our own capacity to thrive.

During trying times, it is easy to be critical of ourselves. We often set impossibly high standards and are our own harshest critics. Self-compassion is the gentle act of extending kindness and understanding to ourselves, much like we would to a dear friend. It involves acknowledging that we are only human, beautifully imperfect and unique in our own ways. While the compassion and support of friends and family are undoubtedly crucial, they can only sustain us if we have faith in ourselves to integrate and bolster these external sources of comfort. Embracing self-compassion allows us to lay the foundation for faith to flourish within us. By being kind to ourselves, we can learn to be our own source of comfort and solace.

In Part two, we’ll the notion of self trust and how to build our unwavering belief in our own inner strength and wisdom.